Well, I don't really talk about myself much but I hope this executive new job makes me forget my troubled past. Money has never been a factor for me to attain happiness but peace of mind is. She left me ruined emotionality but I won't dwell on the past anymore.
Only god knows how much i care. I pretend like I don't give a shit but I would give my life if it makes her happy. She must think I'm nothing now. I lost weight, got a good job and even accepted the fact that her happiness is more important than mine.
I am a Muslim and I can't kill myself. I am stuck living the life others want me to.
I hope that after i go maybe she gets to feel what I feel every time I wake up from these awful nightmares. Its just dreams of you standing right in front of me yet i am invisible to you. Every single hurt stabs like a shiv twisted and pulled from my heart. I know it's morbid but can't help it.
I love you chubs and its not a joke.
I know you think I am a joke but this is real. I miss you a lot and only memories are left to fill this void.
Please be happy and if your reading this just know that I am broken not because of you but because I do not meet your criteria. I wanted to fix you but i broke myself instead. I am out of your league.
I know i am ugly. Like you once said.
" Natural Selection". Those words still haunt me every time i meet someone new.
Its sad but what is life without sorrow.
Life has to be colorful right. I guess I'm the black insignificant crap in yours.
I am still struggling with stuff so I can forget you. Just pray for me. That's all I would ever ask from you. I hope we met under different circumstances like I am now but that's just wishful thinking.
Stay Chubby and give my regards to your fiance. His a lucky guy. I'm the fallen ugly , unimportant dirtbag that can only make you laugh.
Sincerely
Hakim
Missing you like crazy
